Things That Help

Listening to LOTS of Sia.

Donating to Planned Parenthood and ACLU.

Talking to my parents.

In no particular order: Anna Kendrick, Kate McKinnon and Lena Dunham.

Joe Biden memes.

I’ve been a little MIA from this space — and the online space, in general — because I’ve been struggling to work through thoughts and emotions that frankly, I don’t really know how to deal with.  Should I be sad or angry?  Am I supposed to have moved on or should I be harnessing these emotions to do something helpful?  And if so, what exactly is that something?  I don’t think there’s straight answers to any of these questions, so I’m just taking it moment by moment and doing what feels like the right path for me.

I keep finding myself in moments of happiness and feeling guilty.  Like I should be in mourning and have no right to feel any sense of peace, but what can we do?  Life must and will go on.  This weekend I got to see my best friends, meet their puppy, eat pancakes made by my husband, spend time with my family, prep for my favorite holiday, enjoy Harry Potter Weekend and just feel genuine joy.  I think we all deserve a little happiness right now.

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Avery puppy is ADORABLE and I kinda lost it over her dumpling chew toys.  Beer and pizza with Hannah and Josh at Echo Brewing, followed by many YouTube videos made for the perfect Friday night.

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Joey and I have been alternating pancake-making the past few Saturdays and it’s THE BEST.  It was his turn this weekend and there’s nothing better than going straight from bed to pancake breakfast.  

That baby pancake, though!

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We braved the grocery store for Thanksgiving groceries and managed to get in and out before it got too crazy in there.  I also went on a run then headed to my parents’ to see my sister.  May or may not have taken a family trip to Whole Foods once my parents came home from work.  Just a typical Dorsey outing, ya know?

Meanwhile, Joey was fixing our front door (don’t ask…) and LOOK!  He uncovered a transom window!  It’s so awesome and I’m so lucky to have a handy husband to fix up our 108 year old house.   

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I came home and fixed us up some homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese which had us both wondering… “WHY DON’T WE MAKE GRILLED CHEESE MORE OFTEN??”  It’s so dang good!

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Sunday started with breakfast at Black Eye Cap Hill and way too many cups of coffee — cut to me cleaning and chopping veggies for the next 4 hours — and ended with yoga, dinner, Shameless and the AMAs.  I’m just gonna announce my formal withdrawal from music award shows now.  

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving Week!

The Aftermath

Last night, before drifting off to sleep, I repeated the words “President Trump, President Trump,” hoping that if I kept saying it, it would start to feel real and acceptable.  It didn’t work.

In the past 36 hours, I have felt many things.  Anger, disappointment, numbness, but most of all, I have felt sad and scared.  Driving home on Tuesday, I told Joey that I had not even considered the possibility of Hillary not winning and that I maybe should have so I wouldn’t feel completely blindsided in the event of defeat.  But even after that, I didn’t actually believe it could happen.

I couldn’t write this yesterday.  It was all too real and raw.  Simply put, I was inconsolable. So even though I went to work and put on my best face, inside — and at times, outside, because let’s be real, I did not make it through that concession speech without tears —  I was heartbroken.  For Hillary, who spent her entire life working towards this and for myself and the millions who felt she was our candidate, our champion, our answer to the glass ceiling.

I’m trying not to take it personally, but it feels so personal.  Joey, being the world’s biggest optimist, keeps trying to tell me that people were so hell bent on having a president that wasn’t “part of the system” that they were willing to overlook all the heinous things that have been said and done by Trump.  You will never convince me of this.  You will never make me understand it.

For eight years, I have so easily been able to point to President Obama as the epitome of grace, class, kindness and intelligence.  Whether or not you agree with his politics, who he is as a person, is undeniable.  I’m so sad that we are following up his presidency with this.  With someone who seems to have brought out the worst things that exist in this country.  This is bigger than just the exchange of power.  It’s more than being upset that “my team” didn’t win.

I am doing my best to be hopeful.  Honestly, I am.  The unknown frightens me like no other and it is all too easy to jump to (hopefully) far off extremes, but I’m taking solace in the fact that I’m not alone in feeling this way.  Not by a long shot.  I read and heard and saw so many things yesterday — including the words of my parents, who I had dinner with last night and feel semi-healed from — that made me know how wide-spread this feeling is.

I heard somewhere that it takes the brain three days to adapt when the world gets turned upside down.  I’m hoping it’s true and that’s as long as it takes.