I have a theory about Apple and the iPhone.  That phone looks so dang cool without a case on.  Especially if you recently upgraded to the 5S in goooold (that was an Austin Powers reference).  It’s a real travesty to have to cover up the coolness with a bulky case.  Since upgrading, I’ve held off from buying a case and have yet to get a single scratch on my phone, so I think I’m pretty well qualified to give you the rules you must follow if, like me, you refuse to cover that gold (or “space gray”) with a case.

1. Don’t drunk text.

And for a number of reasons, not just to protect your phone.  If you’re in a crowded bar and/or you’ve maybe had a few too many, it’s probably a good time to put your phone away.  You can pay attention to the people you’re out with instead.

2. Don’t toss your phone onto anything even remotely bouncy.

This includes your bed, your couch, a chair or the seat of your car.  I mean maybe I just have a terrible arm, but it’s easy to overestimate the force of your arm/distance to bouncy surface and before you know it, your phone has crashed onto the floor, which most likely isn’t made of feathers but something a little harder.

3. Don’t put your phone down near anything liquid.

At home, I typically eat on the couch in front of the TV (so sue me) off a foldable table that’s missing the rubber piece on the end of one of the four legs, which makes it both wobbly and hard to slide across our hardwood floors.  I feel anxious just thinking about sitting a full glass of water next to my phone on that unreliable contraption.

4. Put your phone somewhere other than your lap while driving.

Not that you should even be using that thing while you’re behind the wheel, but on the off chance you need it close by for directions, don’t do that thing where you keep in in your lap.  Inevitably, you will forget it’s there and get out of the car.  Then your phone will clatter onto the street, get all scrapped up and you will cry.  Or worse, it will fall into a puddle of water on the street curb.  Been there, done that…

5. Pay attention if you use your phone at the gym.

One time, I was using my iPod on the treadmill and the thing fell off, took a little ride down the track of the treadmill, got caught in that spot between the track and the side of the machine and basically got major treadmill burn while the track continued to spin.  The rubber case I had on it was completely burned off on one side.  I think I would throw up if that happened to my phone.  If you’re going to use it at the gym, make sure it’s somewhere it can’t fall.

6. Don’t let little ones play with your phone.

I’m sure, like me, you’ve seen kids that are better with electronics than some adults you know, but they also think everything should go in their mouth and don’t yet understand the concept of money or just how much phones can cost if you have to replace them.  If you knew my niece and nephew’s track record with phones, you’d know why I don’t trust them with mine.

7. Use caution when giving your phone to another person.

Can’t even tell you the number of times I say “and don’t drop that gold iPhone” under my breath, every time I ask a stranger to take a picture.  Not that anyone ever has dropped it, but you never know.  I’d just use your best judgment on that one.  A drunk stranger at the bar or someone carrying a phone that doesn’t even have a camera probably isn’t the best person to ask.

8. If you’re carrying a bunch of stuff, put your phone in your pocket.

I mean seems like a no-brainer right?  For some reason, I always find myself carrying a bunch of stuff from my car to the house — keys, random trash, purse, water bottle, etc. — and then trying to hold onto all those things while opening a locked door = accident waiting to happen.  If you’re going to drop something, let it be that trash and not your phone.

9. Your phone and your keys aren’t friends.

As in, don’t put them in the same pocket, because that’s the perfect recipe for a bunch of scratches on your phone.

10. Mind your charger.

Without fail, whenever I charge my phone at my desk, my charger manages to get wrapped around the arm of my chair so anytime I move my chair, my phone gets dragged along with it.  Thankfully, I’ve managed to notice before any major phone accidents have occurred.

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Do you have a cover on your phone?

What’s the worst phone accident you’ve ever had?

Side Note: I’m almost certain to drop my phone now that I’ve written this post…