The F Word

Confession: I am a frequent user of the F word.  And I’m not talking about the four letter F word, although I probably use that word too often too (not as much as my sister though!). The F word I’m talking about it only 3 letters long.

Fat.

And I use that word in relation to myself.  “I feel fat.”  Which is degrading and insulting and seriously untrue.  But it’s my favorite way to participate in some negative self talk.  And I, like most women my age, indulge in this activity all too frequently.  And I won’t lie, I have always struggled with it.  For a while, when I was fully immersed in the “healthy living world” and feeling really great about myself I thought I was over it, but once I got a 9-5 desk job and took on a more moderate lifestyle — with more butter and less long distance running and maybe just a little more guilt– I fell right back into the habit of talking negatively about myself.

It drives Joey insane.  But more than anyone else, it drives me insane.  So when March goal-making time rolled around, I decided to quit cold turkey.  I vowed to not use the word “fat” at all.  Not even once, and bam! it has been 31 days since I uttered that mean word.  And it has been surprisingly easy.  Sometimes keeping up a bad habit is even harder and more energy-sucking and tiring than just letting it go is.

Fat is not a feeling, and insulting myself is not productive.  Can I say that I have finally broken this horrible habit for good?  Absolutely not.  But I do know that it feels really good to have made it this far and I can do my very best to remember that before I let those kind of insults come out of my mouth again.  I’m working on it.

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Do you have a bad habit you desperately need to break?

 

P.S. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVING BOYFRIEND.  This post is all for you, Joey.  Just kidding 🙂

So Long, January

 

I could lie and pretend January has been a great month. And frankly, I would love to do that because admitting that it hasn’t been is hard. I had really hoped to start this new year off on a optimistic and happy note, but that didn’t exactly happen.  I have felt majorly emotional and lost. Not all the time, not even everyday, but a lot. More than I’d like to feel that way. And I wish I could pinpoint the source but I can’t and that seems to be the real problem here.

I keep having moments of clarity where I think, “what is there to be in a bad mood about?!” or “okay, enough, I’m going to be positive now” but that is so much easier said than done and 5 minutes later I’m back to being a total grouch. I know the steps I need to take to get over my bad mood, but it’s just so hard to put them into practice.

I don’t really know where to go from here, but something’s gotta give.  So I’m saying goodbye to January. I didn’t enjoy you, January. And I don’t think I will miss you any time soon.

I know that February, like January before it, is not going to be magically better. But there’s a million things I’m looking forward to in February and I think I need something to look forward. Because I’m feeling kind of stuck right now.  So here’s the February and all the happiness it has to offer!

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Do you ever find yourself in a bad mood and can’t pinpoint the reason?

What are you looking forward to most in February?

What was the highlight of your January?