Thoughts from the Treadmill

You know when you were all psyched to go home after work and run outside because it was beautiful all day, but then you get home and it’s ominously cloudy and SUPER windy so you drag yourself to the gym instead and are convinced it’s going to be the worst thing ever but then Gaga is all “hello hello baby you called, I can’t hear a thing” and it gives you life?

Well that happened to me last night and after I was done imagining myself as Beyoncé in that music video, I had some deep thoughts.  Like that sometimes, when I’m listening to a song that has a good beat, it makes me miss dancing so much I could cry.  Or how many things I wish I could go back and do with the maturity and self-confidence I have now.

It’s taken 26 years, but I’m slowly realizing it’s okay to do things I’m not perfect at and this most recent yoga stint has been HUGE in helping me come to that conclusion.  I’d been going to all these free Core Power classes, doing the same moves, in the same order and feeling like a pretty little ballerina who’d mastered the moves and could do them with my eyes closed and no one there to even queue the next move.

This new studio?  It’s all new, each class is different and I’m not perfect at it.  And I’m realizing it’s okay to not have perfect balance during my Half Moon or know exactly what move is coming next.  It means being present and listening, instead of letting my body move on auto pilot while my mind is elsewhere.  And it means pushing myself to try moves that are outside my comfort zone and being okay with not knowing if I can actually do them until I try.

A huge issue for me back when I did dance was not wanting to try things I didn’t think I’d be good at.  I had a teacher who constantly berated me to “go back and actually try this time” and while it felt so harsh at the time (and didn’t motivate me so much as it made me shut down), I understand now that she probably saw that perfectionism was holding me back.  I’d like to think that if I could go back and do it all again, I’d be okay with pushing myself, falling, failing, and maybe being better for it.

Can you relate in some way?  If not, thanks for reading anyway.  I probably would’ve checked out after that first run-on sentence 🙂