Once upon a time, a girl started reading Healthy Living Blogs, became a runner, cooked almost everything she ate from scratch, and turned up her nose at anything that didn’t fit her description of healthy. That girl was me (surprise surprise).
Over time, this lifestyle started to feel isolating, stressful and just kind of deranged. And just like that, my heart wasn’t in it anymore.
My heart was into movies and literature and too many glasses of wine with friends and spontaneous ice cream cravings that could only be satisfied by the real deal.
Chia seeds, nutritional yeast, and a pile of roasted vegetables topped with hummus for lunch fell by the wayside and were replaced by things that probably don’t have half as much nutritional value, but that feel more authentic to who I am, how I was raised, and what feels normal for me.
I’m not saying green smoothies are a sign of disordered eating (I still drink them all the time!) or that eating 3 square meals and 3 square times every single day is only something people who have an unhealthy relationship with food do. But for me, eating had turned into a quest for perfection and that really wasn’t healthy for me. I realized I didn’t want to feel like I was better than everyone else or that I had it all figured out, because I don’t.
Nowadays, I sometimes eat muffins for breakfast and wash it down with a sugary latte, I order take out pizza, I sample fudge after lunch and sometimes on the weekends I eat a big breakfast and don’t feel hungry again till dinner! Gasp, unheard of in the HLB world. Hunger doesn’t make me anxious or angry. I don’t travel with snacks or schedule my life around meals. Sometimes I eat out more than I probably should and subsist off restaurant leftovers, without cooking all week. And you know what? The lack of order, or worry, or stress or anxiety, or planning feels really really good.
I won’t pretend it’s all rainbows and butterflies over here. Somedays I feel a real sense of loss of control, but I truly feel that letting go is the right path for me right now. I want to feel human, flawed and messy and happy.
8 thoughts on “How I Stopped Being Healthy and Started Feeling Human”
Good for you!! It can be so easy to get caught up in the totally clean eats of the blog world, but just like you and many others that is not for everyone. While I do love banana soft serve I still totally will eat ice cream when I really want it. I no longer try to make desserts “healthy” but leave them as is and enjoy them!!!
I couldn’t agree more, Helen. Nothing beats real dessert.
Great post! I’m glad you’re doing what feels natural and healthy to you. While I love HLB’s for recipe and workout ideas, I don’t subscribe to a lot of the notions held by many. For example, I love chocolate and cheese and nothing will ever change that. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
I think your blog is really unique, Parita! It’s a little bit of everything and that makes it really fun to read. Chocolate and cheese won’t ever be leaving my life 🙂
Oh my gosh, I love this post so much. So often I feel like I don’t “fit in” with the HLB world because I’m not a size 2 and I seriously love delivery pizza, good beer and cookies. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that! Definitely adding you to my reader. 🙂
Wow, thank you so much Cassie! I too, am a fan of pizza, beer and cookies 🙂 P.S. I have all your Boulder posts bookmarked for this weekend. I live there and love seeing it through other people’s eyes.
I’m glad you’ve found what works for you! In my opinion the bottom line is that there’s no “right” way that works for everyone, and any space that is promoting that idea is totally whack. Different lifestyles work for different people, and that’s totally fine. None of us is perfect! I like meat (sometimes) and cheese and sugar but I also LOVE raw vegetable juice and smoothies and oatmeal. It’s hard to find that balance sometimes! I’m still very much a work in progress. Honestly, if I ate the way I was raised I would have diabetes and high blood pressure 15 years from now…and that’s not something that I want. It’s always my goal to eat food that I actually enjoy (not just eating because the HLB community thinks it’s cool) but that will give me a long and happy life.
I like the idea of being a work in progress. And I wouldn’t mind being that way for the rest of my life. For now, this is what works for me, but that can always change and I’m okay with that.